Thursday, June 1, 2017

What Dads Don't Want for Father's Day


What not to give dad for Father's Day.
Real Father's Day gifts - believe it or not.

MUSINGS

When I was little, I would ask my Dad what he wanted for Father's Day and he would always say the same thing: “For you to be good.” Like that was going to happen. I wasn't alone with this problem though. Many other fathers have been equally vague in their responses which has left children and wives to rely on institutions like Hallmark to tell them what guys like. Why it does work for a lot of men, it doesn't for the rest of us.


Years ago, after years of living in house full of flowers and doilies, men decided that they wanted a space in their home that was set aside just for them. They called it a den. Many were later turned into “family rooms.” More recently though, men have taken over the garage or spare bedroom and renamed it a “man cave.” Now, it's a marketing term. You can find man cave signs of every shape and size to decorate your space. Why would I need this? I don't have signs for the other rooms in my home. We don't have a “Woman Sewing Room” or a “Man Coat Closet.” Seems to me that it's another ploy for women to make the room look "cute," which defeats the whole purpose. If you need a sign for your man cave, then it's not really a man cave, is it?
What not to give dad for Father's Day.
I am not a hunter and not terribly fond of ducks. I couldn't catch a fish in fishbowl nor do I have a desire to. I don't have a gun collection. The way I identify cars is by their color, not their brand. My favorite type of golf is miniature. However, if you look at the Father's Day greeting cards out there, you would be hard pressed to find one that doesn't feature a pheasant, buck, fishing rod, footballs or bottles of beer on them – things that supposedly tell me who I am.

I've never understood giving a flask as a gift. I've never seen anyone actually ever use one except on TV or in the movies, and most of them have been alcoholics. Seems like a bad idea if you ask me. Why encourage this behavior?

Some people, (women), think that it's cute to see a dad and son wearing matching shorts or t-shirts. I'm sorry, but I don't want to match anybody. I even feel a bit funny when my socks match. 


Giving a “world's greatest dad” t-shirt is a nice idea, but I'm unlikely to wear it. I mean, seriously, I would be afraid that others would think that I bought the shirt for myself. And even if I did get one, I would want to make sure that my kids were around me at all times when wearing it. But then again, it would annoy them if I did that and then it would probably cause a scene causing others to look at me and think “World's greatest dad? Nope. I don't think so.”

What not to give dad for Father's Day.
Kids, I don't need a whoopie cushion or fart machine, no matter how hilarious you think it might be. 

Now, I do like to barbecue and I do a fairly good job at it as well, but please don't take the opportunity to “honor” me by putting me down with a “Caution: Men Cooking” apron. For that matter, don't put me down at all, okay? I brought you into this world and I can take you out.

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