Monday, December 22, 2014

Stocking Stuffers Nobody Wants – New for 2014!

There is a reason why Christian branded products have gotten a bad name over the years. They’re tacky. Not all of them of course, but really, some are so amazingly bad, it is a mystery that any are actually sold. Believe it or not, all of the following items are real and for sale (or at least they used to be). While you might be tempted by some of these finds, do your friends and family a favor and skip them.

Tacky Christmas Gifts
Happy Birthday Jesus Tree Topper, Armor of God PJ's and Fruit of the Spirit Lip Gloss
Happy Birthday Jesus Tree Topper
Placing the star or angel on top of the Christmas tree is a tradition for many families. This product is meant to keep the focus on Jesus. Yes, Jesus IS the reason for the season, but I am not sure that he appreciates being celebrated with a party hat on. Besides, this tree topper looks kinda creepy.

Armor of God PJ’s
Wouldn’t your kids love to put on the armor of God before they go to bed each night as if it were a uniform? Just look how kind this brother and sister get along because of them. Apparently, only boys can wear a helmet. Girls need to settle for the scarf of salvation.

Fruit of the Spirit Lip Gloss
Who knew that “love” tastes like cherry? “Peace” is peach. “Joy” is grape. “Faith” is watermelon. “Goodness” is strawberry. “Self-Control” is apple. “Patience” is raspberry. “Kindness” is orange. “Gentleness” is vanilla. Vanilla is not a fruit.

A variety of questionable tee-shirts to choose from.
T-Shirts for Every Member of the Family
Christian tee shirts can be tasteful, but here are few that are not including one that looks like the American Idol TV show and Mountain Dew soda pop logos, but wait…fooled you! Neither one has anything to do with the logo they represent. That’s the magic of witness wear. Is there a nurse in your family? She might like the shirt that claims that they are just a "helping hand with some help from God." Do you love Christian music? Tell the world! For children, there is the copyright infringement of Bart Simpson writing about the Lord’s praises. And finally, the less-subtle tee: “Jesus Beat the Devil with a Big Ugly Stick” which doesn’t really make any sense.


Clean Hands, Clean Heart Hand Sanitizer, Jesus Dog Leash and Jesus is My Coach Figurine.
Clean Hands, Clean Heart
This fragrance-free hand sanitizer is also alcohol-free (of course) and goes anywhere you do. There is nothing special about this product to make it any better than say, Purel, but wouldn't feel better paying twice the price for a container with a Bible verse on it?

Jesus Dog Leash
Now your dog can witness while you walk! The lease features the phrase, “Jesus Ruffs Me” embroidered all the way down to the collar.

Jesus is My Coach
Kudos to the artist who created this piece meant to inspire budding gymnasts everywhere. Nice try.

Colors of Faith Rubber Ducky, Fish Mints and Faith Pops
Colors of Faith Rubber Ducky
As a child, I went to VBS and received a plastic glove that featured the colors of faith. This rubber ducky looks like a lot more fun.

Christian Candy
When just plain ol’ sugar isn’t sweet enough, try these treats. The over-priced faith pops feature pleasant bible verses on the wrapper. Fish Mints are not fish-flavored, but “intense” mints shaped like the Christian fish symbol.

"Tip" Tracts, God Bless America Patriotic Christian Dad, Fisher of Men Bible Cover
Don’t Buy a Restaurant Gift Card
Why purchase a gift card for one meal at a favorite restaurant when you can purchase a whole pack of these nifty tracts that your friends can leave behind instead of a tip. Think of the money and the lives that they will save!

Fisher of Men Bible Cover
Because this is what real Christian men want.

God Bless American Patriotic Christian Dad
Because this is what real Christian dads want.

1 Corinthians 13 Ring, Jesus Nightlight and Jesus Nut Necklace
Jesus Nightlight
While the Jesus nightlight is supposed to calm little ones while they sleep, I’m afraid this one might bring on nightmares.

Jesus Jewelry
This “I am a Jesus Not” necklace is perfect for that “crazy” woman in your life or surprise her with the entire 1 Corinthians 13 chapter crammed on a tiny ring.

Powered by Jesus Mouse Pad, Lion and Lamb Cell Phone Cover and Smiley Mouse Pad
Lion and Lamb Phone Cover
Because, what else would make sense on a phone cover?

Christian Mouse Pads

Start your day off at work feeling energized with the “Powered by Jesus” mouse pad or choose a daily shaming message with “Have You Made Jesus Smile Today?”

   

Glory Grooves
Because we know that David danced before the Lord, this CD (and cassette tape), features 10 “soul-shakin” dance remixes by such groovy artists as Point of Grace, Cindy Morgan and Sandi Patty!

Christian Fish Wrapping PaperWrap it all up with this festive fish print that will let the recipient know that the gift inside is as special as the wrapping on the outside.


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